ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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