i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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