just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize