My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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