Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dear god my vagina.
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