Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
