I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just blew my weed a kiss
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
