Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she told me i tasted like america
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
