I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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