My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
