u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
