you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize