Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize