Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
