Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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