Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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