I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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