I must be too annoying 4 u.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
