Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
