If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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