I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
