I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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