a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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