Say something about gay babies.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
