Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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