Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
