i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
