whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
