so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
