you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So vagazzling was a success
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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