I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
