I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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