i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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