Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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