Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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