i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize