windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
