Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
