New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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