hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
