i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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