it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
