its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
God, I missed his penis.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
