Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
