Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
