I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
