Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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