A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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