peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
