You just made me feel so damn special
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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