Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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