If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
