After last night, I could never be a politician.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
