is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
