i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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