we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
