So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
