you guys were way drunker than both of me
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
