when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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