Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
