he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
