I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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