Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
