The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
sex in a hospital.. check
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
