in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so let's talk penis.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
