Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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