either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
