My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
