Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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