you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
