The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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