Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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