I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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