...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
