Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How does it feel to date your dad?
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