as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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