my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
