I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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