So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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