just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
