I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
