i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
