I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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