I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
