worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
