I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
