U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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