Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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