what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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