I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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