one might say we're banned from that church
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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