Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
