I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
