just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
