I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
