If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
