the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize