If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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