how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
