saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We're too hungover to prance.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
