Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
