I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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