You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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