Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
