I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
