I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize